We have been playing a user-made coop scenario called "Cipher" , which has you attack a heavily guarded enemy base, kill a renegade Russian general and steal a suitcase with a macguffin vital for saving democracy or whatever. It's supposed to be played by a team of 10, but since there were only 3 of us the other 7 were replaced with bots, which we used as spare "lives", since you can take control of one of the remaining bots when you die.
A multinational team of US Marines has been sent on an important mission - assasination of a rogue Russian general and retrieval of
Team Leader Sekundaari; callsign: Sniperman - "SEE YOU IN HELL, PUMPKIN!"
Corpsman Someone; callsign: GAME - "You could have thrown the corpses out, at least"
The mission starts with a short cutscene showing us the general, surrounded by his forces, with the suitcase, in his fortified village base.
A transport chopper drops us off on a nondescript meadow, about 3 kilometers away from the target village of Orlovets. There, we are provided with a weapons cache and 3 bikes for transport. While we sort our gear out, the local civilians make an introduction: refusing to cooperate with the liberation forces, an angry driver runs over our bikes, smashing one of them irreparably, stops, gets out of the car and very sarcastically gives the Traditional Charnarussian Liberation Greeting (laying face-down on the ground, with your hands behind your head), before promptly returning into the car and driving away. The whole scene has such a stunning effect on the team that by the time Sniperman snaps out of it and delivers two warning shots into the rear of the offending car, it's too far away for them to have the desired effect.
With the bikes out of commission, we have to walk to the objective on foot. 3 kilometers.
|This is not a short walk.|
|Not pictured: me, crapping my pants.|
The situation is looking grim, but we still have two Anti-Tank missile launchers, and decide to team up and take down the Shilka AA vehicle, which has been lashing our nest with it's multiple high-caliber cannons, but before I can poke out of cover and properly take aim, an APC drives up the hill to the right of our position and points it's many many guns at my exposed torso. Unfortunately for it's crew, I happen to be clutching a primed rocket launcher and they happen to be 3 meters away, which is just close enough to be impossible to miss, but not close enough to kill me with the splash damage. They go up in flames and I bag my first armor kill of the day.
|WOO! GET SOME!|
Meanwhile, Sniperman takes down the Shilka, and we are left with a batallion of angry infantry and a gunship spraying our position with hot death. Having spent my rocket tube and my machinegun bullets, I'm left completely spent and virtually useless - there isn't even a melee option! I still have the damn grenades, which I throw somewhere vaguely in the direction of incoming fire.
The gunship problem is intensifying and, after it manages to land a few hits and injure us, Sniperman decides on tactical doctrine: hide and hope the bad chopper goes away, so we crawl underneath some trees and carefully listen to the sounds of rotorblades zooming past us.
First Attempt - Moderately successful.
Thankfully we still have 7 more "lives" in reserve, and so "possess" some of the AI troopers standing idly around the Landing Zone, get 3 more bikes spawned and gear up again. Armed with foreknowledge of the likely engagements, I pick up a sniper rifle and an AA missile launcher.
Remembering what happened the last time we dallied, Sniperman hops onto a bike and pedals to the objective, while me and bucaneer have another encounter with the civilians. Another car pulls up, and the driver gets out and starts the Traditional Liberation Greeting. Trying to avoid the mistakes of the recent past, I hop into the driver's seat and investigate the car.
It appears that a couple of local stoners have kindapped a member of the clergy, and were taking him away in an unknown direction. We briefly contemplate the picture, but ultimately decide that bikes are superior for our goal and the priest doesn't seem all that bothered by his captivity, so we leave the driver to have his withdrawal-induced violent breakdown, hop onto our bikes and try to catch up with Sniperman. I actually get a head start, but bucaneer quickly overtakes me due to my overwhelming desire to take pretty screenshots instead of watching the road, and general
|If Tom Clancy and Tony Hawk had a baby...|
Meanwhile, the remaining enemy forces attack us from behind. Me and bucaneer go prone and scan the hillock behind us. Several enemy soldiers go down when, suddenly, an enemy "light recon vehicle" (and I can't type that with a straight face) with a mounted grenade launcher shows up and slowly drives past us. I cannot have that and, after some unfortunate misses and lag compensation, manage to shoot the exposed gunner and the driver in the neck, earning me bragging rights for what can be, with some gratuitous, military-grade overexaggerating, considered to be an armor unit, with bonus points for getting rid of the crew without blowing up the vehicle, earning us a ride with a big gun.
|Woo? Um, get..some?|
We move on to the final sweep. Sniperguy literally goes to town with the grenade launcher while I suffer an unfortunate car accident, which I won't dwell on, and am forced to respawn as another bot and drive all the way back to the objective. The stoners are gone, so I have to drive the newly-spawned bike to a nearby village, where I
Well, maybe except this one:
|bucaneer reasserts his stance on taking orders|
And this one:
|The local populace salutes it's liberators with the Traditional Greeting.|